Desiring to walk into the day with cheerful acceptance of all the hard moments,
Investing energy and prayers and all the will-power one can muster and
Still saying things, doing things that prove how broken the insides are.
Crying uncontrollable tears that stream salt water across burning cheeks
Of shame at being found out, that still inside there is a struggle to be all that I take
Upon myself to be and crying “Why, God, after I try so hard and submit to your
Restoring grace and humbling breaking am I still not who I want to be.”
And my emotions rock dangerous, a hurricane out of control, even when I walk calm, I
Groan within, wondering when the lava in the volcano will blow the top and
Erupt all over everyone. Again. But it’s in the leaking of tears, laughter and words that I
Manage to see some semblance of peace. And blazing bright shines the truth, an
Enemy fires these feelings of inadequacy to detract me from growing more
Near to the Father’s own heart—oh, loving Father Heart that longs
To fill the cracks of my humanity with His all-consuming grace.